


The Life and Times of Tarzan the Ape Man

by eternallyyoursforever



Category: Disney - All Media Types, Disney Cartoons (Classic), Tarzan (1999)
Genre: Crack Fic, Disney crack fic, F/M, Inspired by Tarzan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 12:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6329029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternallyyoursforever/pseuds/eternallyyoursforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tarzan lives in a jungle of wonderment. He often witnesses the strangest of things and goes on crazy adventures with his one true love, Jane. Unbeknownst to Jane, Tarzan's customs are a bit more uncivilized than she ever imagined! Join Jane on a wild and "hot" African jungle adventure with one of the most lovable ape men of the 20th century- Tarzan!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Life and Times of Tarzan the Ape Man

**Author's Note:**

> This is a parody I wrote in 12th grade on a whim. I honestly don't know why I wrote it... but it just suddenly happened. I originally wrote it in a screenplay format, but transitioned it into what it is now.

The jungle leaves swayed in the lightest of all breezes you could ever possibly get in the African jungles. 

Tarzan's gorilla mother, Kala, opened her mouth wide and howled directly into the wind. 

A similar sound echoed back through the air, as two female gorillas came running towards her.

Tarzan overheard the screeching, and ran towards the sound thinking his mother was in danger, only to find the situation to be ordinarily boring. 

Kala screeched upon seeing Tarzan intrude her meeting, and ran to attend to his hair. 

She yanked bugs out and chomped obnoxiously, her friends walked over to watch. One of them even reached out towards the man-child’s head and tried to help Kala groom him, either that or she was just looking for a snack…

Tarzan pulled his head back in embarrassment. He then yelled, "Is not child anymore," before darting up a nearby tree. 

Kala scratched her buttocks in confusion, before grabbing her friend by the head, to pick for bugs.

…

Tarzan finally returned home four hours later, bringing a GIGANTIC bundle of banana's with him to make up for how he treated his mother, and how he acted in front of her friends. 

The gorillas appeared to be grooming themselves. To them, the event was all but forgotten, until they noticed the gift Tarzan had brought at the foot of the nest… 

They screeched and pummeled him to the ground, grasping as many bananas’ as they could hold.

Tarzan got up slowly, scratching his head, and looked at the scene around him. 

Kala was eating her banana sloppily, and got it all over herself, the other gorilla shoved as many as she could into her mouth, but the final one shocked Tarzan to his core…

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing…

This gorilla wasn't eating her banana, but instead sniffed it with significant interest before taking off with it into a nearby bush. 

The shrub began to shake, and the gorilla screamed out noises he had never heard before. 

This went on for an hour, until a banana flew out from the shrubbery, clocking Tarzan in the head. 

Tarzan picked up the banana perplexed. He squinted at it closely and turned it around in his hands. 

This was something he never witnessed before... 

He never knew bananas could be used in such a way until now.

Tarzan smiled to himself and tucked the banana inside his loincloth. "Must tell Jane!" he yelled before running off to the tree house.

Tarzan was absolutely sure that Jane would love to hear this piece of information, especially considering how much she loved to learn all that she could about the gorillas.

…  
Jane looked off in the distance from her tree house view. 

Tarzan stood there staring at her with a wide grin on his face, before yelling, "ahhhhh-ahhhhhh-ahhhhhh-uggghhh-aaaaaaaaa!" 

Jane jolted and cursed to herself, she then waved at him.

Tarzan quickly climbed up the tree house towards her. He stopped at Jane's feet and licked her toe. She grimaced and moved her foot back. 

"Tarzan happy see Jane!" he said. 

Jane laughed nervously. "I'm happy to see you too Tarzan" she said as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 

Tarzan stood up and pulled the dirty banana out of his loincloth, Jane's eyes widened in shock, she immediately stepped back.

"Ah Tarzan... what are you doing? What’s that for?!" 

Tarzan smiled and inched closer to Jane. He waved the banana in her face, "Tarzan put banana in gorilla hole!" 

Jane ran inside the tree house and locked the door. 

Tarzan burst through the open window.

"Tarzan put banana in gorilla hole!" he said as he walked towards her. 

Jane ran to the other window and slipped out. 

Tarzan ran after her, catching her in no time, he pressed her against the exterior of the tree house. 

Moving his face closer to Jane, he yelled, "TARZAN PUT BANANA IN GORILLA HOLE!" 

Jane looked at him, frightened. He smiled to himself and got even closer.

"Tarzan. Put. Banana. In. Gorilla. HOLE.” He whispered. 

Jane slipped out from him, and ran back into the tree house

She grabbed her suitcase and started throwing things in it as fast as she could. 

"I knew I shouldn't have stayed here... especially with a man as wild as Tarzan! This was such a bad idea…" 

Tarzan jumped back into the house, quickly approaching her. 

Jane grabbed her parasol and pointed it at him. "I'm warning you! Stay away from me and get out!" she screamed.

Tarzan gave Jane the puppy face (although he didn't know exactly what a puppy was) and walked out of the tree house. 

Jane cautiously watched him walk away. 

He examined the banana once more and threw it in a bush. He then slowly climbed down the tree house.

Jane breathed a sigh of relief and went back to packing, until...

The sound of a gorilla making odd noises filled the air. 

Jane stopped packing and looked out in confusion. 

A nearby shrub shook with great force and the strange sounds continued on until a banana came flying out of the shrub and hit something with a bang. 

The gorilla stepped out unashamed and continued on its way. 

Jane covered her mouth in shock. She quickly climbed down the tree and repeatedly yelled Tarzan's name.

Tarzan scratched his head in confusion, holding a banana in his hands. He then looked up and met Jane’s eyes, "Jane go leave now?" he asked with a hint of sadness in his voice.

Jane shook her head. "No… I’m staying…Tarzan I think I owe you an apology." 

Tarzan held up the banana and gave her a look of confusion. 

Jane looked at it, "ah yes about that... I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. Will you forgive me?" 

Tarzan nodded and smiled.

Jane raced into his arms and embraced him in a hug. As he held her close to him, he couldn’t help but look down at the banana in his hands with a mischievous glint in his eyes.


End file.
